John

Looking Back on a Journey (After George Ella Lyon)

I am from a good family

I am from a loving and caring mother and father

I am from Maine

I am from a history of movements caused by economic dreams and hopes

I am from no place special and everywhere known

I am from the past with the hope of the future now in motion

I am from an aging generation once full of youth

I am from morning to night back to morning

I am from a good family with secrets and often too much silence

I am from no place special at any time always seeking a special place

I am from lost love and hurt to healing and hope and dreams

I am from the bottom to the top and back to the bottom

I am from challenges to hope, to travels, to success, to failure, to happiness

I am from a young man of ignorance to an older man on an enlightened journey

I am from a peaceful place I used to visit in the green woods on a hot summer day

I am from a hidden spiritual person becoming spiritual

I am from a time forgotten

I am from a family forgotten

I am from a loving home

I am from a family holding secrets not worthy of keeping secret

I am from a journey.

At this time in my life…

I’m running out of time and opportunity; feeling I have to let go and connect with my kids and grandkids.

At this time I hope to share my hopes and dreams with my family and to learn of their hopes and dreams.

At this time in my life I am seeking a peaceful closure to the passing of my parents as I remember them at unpredictable times in my waking and sleeping times.

At this moment in my life I hope to make things simple, to be uncluttered and organized, so I may not be distracted by the clutter of things and wasteful ideas and activities.

At this time in my life I seek insight into what my inner spark, my soul, is all about and how I might make it grow, be touched.

At this time in my life I need to help my kids to be secure and safe and healthy, so they are loved and part of a whole, for them to be connected and no they are part of a family.

At this time in my life I want to deepen my connection with my cousins and my even closer cousins who I feel are like sisters to me.

At this time in my life I need to forgive and let go. At this time in my life I have to set a few reachable goals, simple and effort and attainable in time.

At this time in my life I have to be thankful and grateful and always feel the grace of my parents looking over me, by the lessons they taught and the lives they lived.

At this time in my life I have to sing a little, to nap a little and to read a little.

At this time in my life I have to plan for a new place. At this time in my life I have to hope more and worry less. At this time in my life I have to care and love more.

In my mother’s kitchen…

The Story

I see her cooking fried chicken, busy as a bee, loving having her family nearby, close, in sight, making noises and smells that all her kids and family know.

In my mother’s kitchen, I see her low shelves to accommodate her size and height. In my mother’s kitchen when I open any cabinet door I see her plan, her way of organizing and making sense of her spices, knives, spoons, pots and pans, late and drinking glasses, all of which she eventually holds building her meals.

In my mother’s kitchen I hear the voices of my dad and mom and brother as we talk on Monday night after a meeting going over what we like, what was done well and what needed improvement.

In my mother’s kitchen I see my mother in her favorite Canadian rock rocker listening to the stories, in slippers and a very warm bathrobe, comfortable, taking in all the sounds and movements. I wonder why she does not pipe and add her thoughts.

In my mother’s kitchen I see her favorite dog Pal and Buddy and Bruno who she loves so much.

In my mother’s kitchen my parents had so many friends and family all standing and talking and laughing and sharing and kidding each other.

In my mother’s kitchen I see all the food she’s preparing to move onto the huge dining room table as she feeds so many people over the years.

In my mother’s kitchen I see my cousins and aunts and mother all cleaning up after all these incredible feasts as the menfolk sit in the living room flying in comfy La-Z-Boy chairs, welcoming all who dare to join, doing the same.

In my mother’s kitchen we learned of new lives coming into this world and old lives leaving and lives leaving too soon.

In my mother’s kitchen we remember my grandparents and their stories and funny travels.

In my mother’s kitchen, I see my mother standing by herself, and never alone. In my mother’s kitchen I see a happy mom, at home, belonging to everyone.

In my mother’s kitchen I see us first moving into an older house needing lots of work and hearing the sounds of plans to renovate and make it special just for her.

In my mother’s kitchen I barely hear the playing piano as we moved about.

In my mother’s kitchen the pig is fed and pots dried and pans put away, watching people come and go in the cemetery adjacent to the house.

In my mother’s kitchen I tried to free myself from being tied to the table chair as my mother, father, and brother watched.

In my mother’s kitchen I watched my more than happy brother try to recover before his parents came home from work. In my mother’s kitchen I see my nephew and niece, my brother’s wife, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents, husbands, wives, friends, all at once present, in a breath, gone.

In my mother’s kitchen I remember the last time I stood, paused, gazing about for the last time I will ever be in that time and space, knowing it was no longer my mother’s kitchen.

The Lesson

Every person needs to nurture, and let you evolve, a sense of belonging that is safe, and enriches their life for as long as possible; sharing, connecting, and teaching others how to do the same.

My Blessing

may you find that special place and special time that welcomes you, is safe, features soul and speaks to your children of your Gram’s life and times. May have the same kitchen in which my brother and I grew up. May you treasure the voices of your family.

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